Her face says it all

"What? You're taking a picture of me? I had no idea!"

"It's hard being this adorable!"

"I HATE this boy!"

"I can act dead standing up..."

"...or lying down. (Note the open eyes--they make it more realistic.)"

Caught unaware.

Josh joins Buddhism

It's official. Josh is Buddhist.

Josh was talking to one of his friends at school who naturally assumed that he was a member of the majority faith in our region. Without missing a beat, Josh corrected his friend and let her know that he is in fact a Buddhist. She was shocked, and began questioning him about his beliefs. Of course, not being an active Buddhist, he didn't know the answers. That didn't bother him much, though, because he is exceptionally good at making stuff up. She believed every word that came out of his mouth. I'm sure she thought it exciting and refreshing to have a Buddhist friend.

But then things got a little awkward. You see, after pondering the situation for a week or two, his friend finally realized that she had a wonderful missionary opportunity. She started inviting him to church. He refused the first time, saying that he had to go to the Buddhist church on Sunday. She asked him how often he went, and without really thinking it through, he said he went about once a month. So then she began to work on him to come to her church on one of the other Sundays of the month. He finally got tired of trying to put her off and instead told her that he actually was a member of her faith after all. This was an extremely effective ploy, and she hasn't invited him to church since. I think his ruse will work as long as she never sees him in Buddhist robes. And since he's still too short to wear his brothers' hand-me-down robes, I think he's safe--at least for another year or two.

Wedding receptions promote thoughts of sin

Wedding receptions make me think that breaking the commandments might not be so bad. I'm not talking about your wedding reception, of course. I just loved that one. No, I'm talking about all the other wedding receptions that I have to attend.

My biggest problem is that I'm a wedding reception dork. I don't know what to say to the bride (Hey, it's really great he didn't knock you up first) or what to say to the parents of the groom (I heard [groom's name] has a good chance of beating that drug charge). Half the time I don't really even know anyone well enough to do more than speculate about the weather (There's a tornado warning in Eastern Kansas, can you believe that?). And talking about the weather at a wedding reception is a major faux pas.

All of my wedding reception dorkiness leads to major embarrassment, and yes, down right humiliation. Why couldn't the bride's mom put together a bunch of inane little sayings on business card size slips of paper that would allow dorks like me to read off something that shows class and good breeding (I saw cousin Jimmy at Del Taco and he said y'all we're getting hitched for tax purposes. I knew y'all was always big on screwing the gov'ment.).

Instead, I find myself wondering how nice it would have been if the bride and groom had just moved in together, sparing everyone the cost and discomfort of a reception. Or what if there was a little bowl of Valium at the door? A couple of those, and even if I was dorky, I wouldn't remember it the next day. How about a nice alcoholic beverage?


Let's face it, me at a wedding reception is just not pretty, no matter how you slice it. So if you're working with a guest list and you just don't know who to cut, may I suggest you place I nice thin line through my name? You'll be doing everyone a favor, I guarantee it.