Little J has invented a little game that she likes to play with me. It's called, Stick the bobble-head turtle somewhere in the car where Dad doesn't expect it and watch him freak out. She used to put it on top of the dash, right over the speedometer. The first time she did it, I tried to tolerate its bobbing, beady eyes staring up at me. But after awhile, I could feel the eyes start to bore a hole in my head. I swear it started reading, and then manipulating, my mind. I was totally creeped out. After several chills when down my spine, I finally grabbed the turtle and moved it over to the middle of the dashboard where it was no longer looking at me. I felt immediate relief, as if someone had suddenly removed a pin from a voodoo doll of me.
Lately, Little J has become much more creative in where she hides the turtle. She's placed it down inside the dashboard and in the armrest on the door. Today, however, she went too far. As I was driving down the road and squinting into the sun, I reached up to pull down the visor, and there was the freakin' turtle. I gave out a loud, startled yelp, which was immediately followed by gleeful giggles in seat behind me. Even J-girl started laughing. I grimaced and once again moved the diabolical turtle to the middle of the dash.
I have started thinking that I need to hatch a plot to do the little guy in. After all, it's very believable that he might accidentally fall out of a window or get smashed by a careless teenager. Or perhaps he might start missing his family and feel the need to search them out, sort of like the animals in the movie Incredible Journey, except that this time the mountain lion wins. Hee hee, I chuckle just thinking of the little guy becoming a crunchy mountain lion snack. The only problem is, I don't know where he came from and to whom he belongs. I don't want to break anyone's heart by getting rid of him.
So for now, the twerp is safe. But look out, little shell dude, 'cause your days might be numbered!
2 comments:
You're so soft, it's sickening. If it had been me, I would have slapped both the turtle and Julia's little reptilian behinds and then killed them. So there's your alternative.
It's probably a good thing that you don't have any children at this point in your life, Sir Addict.
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