Swine flu comes home to roost

Yesterday (Friday) we learned that J-girl has swine flu. We probably should have known on Tuesday, because that's when she came down with the symptoms that she didn't tell anyone about. You'd think an ex-nurse would have a little more common sense about her own health, but she doesn't, even after all of the hype surrounding the swine flu. I should have known better, though, than to think that this would make a difference in her MO. Every time she gets sick, she never considers taking medication, going to the doctor, or getting extra sleep. She just keeps going until she either collapses or I notice that she is sick and prompt her to do something more responsible. Her response to these promptings is typically, "Oh, yeah, why didn't I think of that?" I constantly ask myself the same question.

You're probably thinking that she keeps going because she doesn't see any alternative. But I've learned that usually isn't the case. Her main belief is that no matter what she does, she's going to feel miserable anyway, so she might as well get something done at the same time. I'm somewhat sympathetic to that line of reasoning, but I don't see why that means she doesn't need to take medication or go to bed early. Sometimes I wonder if her insistence to keep going is a form of denial.

Whatever her reasoning, our family now clearly falls into the non-flu-fighters category. After J-girl was diagnosed, Mark admitted that he might have had the swine flu earlier. Of course we didn't know because, like his mother, he didn't bother to tell anyone that he wasn't feeling well. Josh had swine-flu like symptoms, but he got over them in two days, so I thought it was something less serious. Floppy's been eating like a swine, and so have I, so I'm thinking the only one who hasn't been infected yet is Little J. And of all of us who were infected, only Josh stayed home. We seem to have been doing our best to make sure that the epidemic continues. Floppy even tried to sneak out in public by climbing into the minivan while everyone was unloading the groceries. It took us over an hour to find him.

I'm not sure what we can do to repay society. I've thought maybe I'd make an extra effort not to burp or fart in public. Or perhaps I could make an attempt to eradicate the dandelion and clover infestation in our front lawn. But after further thought, I realized that if I did any of these things, I would stop making the people around me look so good. So I've decided to exert a great amount of self control and do nothing—well, almost nothing. If you do end up getting the swine flu, what I intend to do is take the fall for it. Go ahead and to tell everyone (over the phone) that we gave you the swine flu and that you're staying home so as not to stupidly pass it on to others. The increased esteem your friends will have for you should make us about even. Maybe you'll even owe us a little, in which case I expect you to back off a little in burping and farting in public.