Hope of America

This year’s Hope of America was more eventful than usual. Here are some of the things that happened and what I learned from them.

• We had to have Little J there at 6:15, but the performance didn’t start until 7:30. While we waited, they had different groups of students perform Mexican dances to music that was loud enough to crack my molars. What I learned: the US is now Mexico.
• When I went to the bathroom before the program started, I turned the corner just in time to hear a father ask his son if he was sure he didn’t need to go poo-poo. Then he asked him if he had to go pee-pee. What I learned: raising children is disgusting.
• I thought that since I had to sit through the Hope of America for the third time, I deserved a treat. I ended up paying $6 for a bag of kettle corn. What I learned: we didn’t get Mexican prices when we became Mexico.
• They began the program by presenting the Boy Scout Organization with this year’s service award. The children even sang a song about the Boy Scouts during the program. I asked Little J if she wanted to be a Boy Scout now. She didn’t even bother to answer. What I learned: Little J may be as cynical as I am.
• I tried to take a picture of Little J during the program, but she was too far away—that and I had no idea where she was in the sea of 5th graders. Then I tried to take a picture of the human flag (made up of 5th grade students wearing strategically colored t-shirts), but from my seat in the nose-bleed section, I couldn't get a shot that didn't involve the scoreboard blocking the upper middle of the flag. What I learned: the commemorative photo they make parents buy if they want their children to participate in the program may actually have been a good idea. Now I have to take back my comment about the organizers being something that rhymes with "mapitalist twine." 
• During the middle of the show, they had a drill team made up of women who were 50+ years old perform two dance numbers. What the heck?! We got old folk competing with children for attention? What I learned: the 93-year-old woman who kicked higher than her head and did the splits could probably beat the crap out of me. Little J's quote: “It was impressive, and weird, and creepy all at the same time.”
• Toward the end of the performance, a strong, rank odor wafted over us. Minutes later, the mom in front of us grabbed diaper-changing stuff and lugged her toddler away. What I learned: raising kids is really disgusting.

I was overwhelmed with gratitude by the end of the program for all the things I had learned. The program not only swept us all up in a nationalistic fervor, but also left me with a real hope for Mexico, er, I mean, America. Long live the burrito!