As if global warming and the recession weren't bad enough, now Americans must deal with an even greater threat--flaming squirrels.In October of last year, a New Jersey woman was attacked by a kamikaze squirrel. As she sat in her Toyota Camry, a flaming squirrel fell onto the hood of her car, slipped into the engine compartment, and set off an explosion. Fortunately, the woman survived the attack. On the other hand, the car was completely destroyed. Even Japanese engineers, as clever as they are, never foresaw the possibility of a brutal flaming squirrel attack.
And just today, another flaming squirrel set fire to a field next to an elementary school in Jones, Oklahoma. In a clear case of escalation, the squirrel seemed to be targeting children. Once again, no human lives were lost, largely due to the heroic efforts of local fire fighters.
It seems that the squirrel population is no longer content with raiding bird feeders and boy scout back packs. They are now involved in terrorism, too. Despite the recent destruction by the increasingly hostile squirrel population, the US Government is still refusing to take them seriously, as was clear from President Obama's failure to address the growing problem in his recent inaugural speech. Hopefully we won't have to wait until a flaming squirrel takes down a skyscraper before we take this threat seriously. The US cannot afford to face another 9/11.
2 comments:
Of course the terrorists would use squirrels...they are so unsuspecting, but as we know from Willy Wonka, those dirty varmints have always been bitter, jealous, and willing to attack the wealthy.
I can't help but think of that crazy squirrel from Over the Hedge. All it takes is one raccoon to set those monsters off.
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