Old Moosebutt: Whimpey and the seven dwarves

[Originally written August 20, 2007] With the local elections approaching, campaign signs are popping up all over town like hairs on a brute's toes. My personal favorite is the one below:


This sign just makes me laugh. How does someone get elected with the name Whimpey? Isn't this a fairly substantial handicap for a politician? Consider the following phrases that might show up in news reports: Whimpey Campaign, Whimpey Agenda, Whimpey Debate, Whimpey Politician. True, many elected officials are indeed wimpy. And while this may be a desirable trait to be exploited by special interest groups, it is not a characteristic that brings in votes. Voters want politicians with good hygiene, catchy soundbites, and a dogged determination to appear as if they are addressing local concerns. Names like Linda Steele, Luther Standout, and Bob Hatchet convey these desirable characteristics. Mike Whimpey, with or without the J, doesn't.

When I think of the name Whimpey, I think of wilted lettuce, soggy french fries, and people who refuse to pick up their doggie's doo-doo in public places. Whimpey is a better name for a dwarf than for a civic leader. You know, Grumpy, Doc, Sleepy, Sneezy, Happy, Dopey, Bashful...and Whimpey. He would be the dwarf that that never went into the mine because he was too scared. Every morning, the other dwarfs would make fun of him by dancing around him in a circle and singing, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go!" until he wet himself. Then they would go off to dig for gems while Whimpey stayed home to wash his pants and knit oven mitts.

Certainly Michael Whimpey has done his best to distance himself from any of these images. After all, he promises to be a "strong voice." He also borrows one of Eisenhower's successful campaign tricks with the slogan "I like Mike." Still, a name like Whimpey is just too easy for opponents to make fun of:

Opponent: "I don't think the people of Orem deserve a Whimpey city councilman."
Whimpey, in a whiny voice: "But I'm a strong voice for the people."
Opponent: (Singing) "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go."
Whimpey: (Runs for the restroom)
[Everyone laughs, even Whimpey's wife and dog.]

Mike, have you ever considered a name change?