Old Moosebutt: Whimpey and the seven dwarves, take 2

[Originally written August 21, 2007] Comments to the last blog entry really cut me deeply. I never realized that I didn't have a tagline until it was pointed out to me. The closest I come to a tagline is "dessert before dinner," but that's more of a principle to live by then an actual tagline. I had also forgotten that my name brings to mind the image of a hairy bazootie. I hang my head in shame.

I also didn't recognize my hypocrisy until it was pointed out to me by Anonymous and Oats. I personally know the pain that comes from having your last name made fun of. When my best friend Tinkersot Baboonloogies and I were in third grade, a nasty girl named Nancy Jones made fun of our names. She used to come up to me and say, "Were you named after your facial features or your personality traits?" Bratty Bobby Smith used to shout, "Your mother wears moose antlers to bed," every time I came up to bat. I spent most of the evenings of my childhood crying myself to sleep.

And now it is clear that I have caused similar pain for others. Never mind that the regular readers of my blog know better than to take anything I say seriously. Joking words can be deadly, too. Thus, I have decided to revise my story of Whimpey and the Seven Dwarves to assuage the pain of my gentle readers.

Whimpey was not a cowardly, yellow-bellied, whiny dwarf. He was adventurous, stockily built, with a strong voice for the people. Instead of being afraid of the mine, he was the first one in the cave every morning and the last to leave, spreading echoing choruses of "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go." His coworkers wished that he would do more mining and less voicing, but they overlooked his faults. Then one day, his strong voice caused a cave in that nearly killed Grumpy. Having taken all the voicing he could stand, Grumpy strangled poor Whimpey. Then as not to be wasteful, the seven dwarfs ate him for dinner. That is when they came to the unanimous conclusion that they liked Mike, I mean, Whimpey.

And so we see that the name Whimpey is an honorable surname, one that brings forth friendly images of echoes and barbecues. Thank you, Anonymous and Oats, for the opportunity to rectify my previous indiscretion.